My name is Bev and I’m an alcoholic. I have not had to take a drink since November 9, 2000.
My story is not that unusual. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where my dad drank but was not an alcoholic and my mother didn’t drink. As a child I always felt left out and not good enough. At 12 years old I discovered alcohol. At first I thought I had arrived! When I drank I thought I was “part of” and “good enough” at least for a while. But we all know how that story ends. By the time I was in my late 30s I was drinking every day after work until I passed out.
To those of you who have trouble accepting a higher power, let me tell you that my higher power kept me alive without killing anyone else in those dark years. I knew I couldn’t drink but was petrified to think of living without booze. I could stop drinking for brief periods but absolutely knew in my heart that once I took that first drink all bets were off. I wouldn’t know (or in most cases remember) how it would end up. I would wake up in strange places having no idea how I got there. So for the first 30 years of my drinking I was able to fool myself into thinking that I had control. (DENIAL) All I had to do was not take the first drink. To make a long story short I ended up in a 12 step based recovery program where I was introduced to AA. I couldn’t believe that all these people were actually living their life and enjoying it -SOBER. I wanted the hope, love, laughter and camaraderie that I saw in those first few meetings. So I kept coming back. I was so afraid that I would drink again that I actually listened to what people said worked for them and did what was suggested. It certainly isn’t easy but it is simple as long as I can keep my complicated alcoholic mind open, willing, and honest.
- When I returned home from the treatment program I knew that if I could get to an AA meeting there was a chance that I wouldn’t drink. I lived in a rural northern BC town and the closest meetings were 2 hours drive away. I was so desperate to stay sober that I drove to a meeting every day for that first year. I would listen to an AA recovery tape on the drive to and from the meeting. It was exactly what I needed to do because it would take the whole day to go to a meeting! So for the first six or eight hours every day I was immersed in AA. I got a sponsor, jumped into service work and helped in any way I could. I started working on the 12 steps to recovery suggested in the Big Book of AA.
- Today I try to live the 12 steps every day. I have faced a lot of adversity in recovery, to name a few;my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in my second year of sobriety. I was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness in my fifth year and spent most of the next two years in hospital sometimes in ICU on life support. The AA members in in my community rallied around and made sure that I kept my connection with them. They would come to my hospital room and have meetings, help my family in anyway needed. Both my husband and my dad died in July 2010. Again the support of the AA community was overwhelming and ,you know, because of that I never felt the need to take a drink through all of it.
- When I retired I decided that I wanted to spend winters in a warmer climate. So I visit a few Caribbean islands to see if I could find my winter home. In 2015 I arrived in Puerto Vallarta to visit for a month. I knew within days that this will be my winter haven. This was in large part due to the 12 step community here. I felt at home and welcomed from the very first meeting I attended in Puerto Vallarta.
- I had (and I still have ) a lot to learn about living life on life‘s terms. I still have the human dilemma that I like to call “Fred” -that stands for fear,resentment, ego and denial. But I know that as long as I practice the things I need to do to maintain a fit spiritual condition, “Fred”won’t make me drink today and all I really have is today.
This Prayer Helps Me:
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, Two days which should be kept free of fear and apprehension.One of these days is YESTERDAY, With its mistakes and cares, Its faults and blunders, Its aches and pains. YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY. We cannot undo a single act we performed; We cannot erase a single word we said. YESTERDAY is gone.The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW With its possible adversities, its burdens, its larger promise. TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.TOMORROW, the sun will rise, Either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, But it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW For it is as yet unborn.This leaves only one day – TODAY. Any man can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities - YESTERDAY and TOMORROW - That we break down.It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad. It is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY And the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.Let us, therefore, live but ONE day at a time.