AA member: Story by Bobbie

My name is Bobbie and I AM an alcoholic.

I grew up in a small northern Minnesota town.  Iron ore mining was the bread winner for many in this community. I love to say, we were Irish Catholic, I never stood a chance with this disease.

I was the oldest of 5 children. My dad was a untreated alcoholic and my Mom an Alanon-er.

We were a family of 7 until my Dad’s drinking changed all that. My Mom was left to support us with no job and minimal child support, (when he paid). This was the mid sixties. We were poor!!  Mom worked 3 jobs to make it somehow work. I grew up knowing alcohol was not good. My Mom’s family was a shit show of crazy alcoholics. My Grandpa Doyle (mom’s dad) was a raging alcoholic, as were his sisters and brothers. So early on I was introduced to that.

I knew what alcoholism was, so I decided I would not become one. I would out smart this disease. You can know all about addiction or nothing about it. That  will not make you, not become one. 

A wise woman said, all the crazy, hurt and hardship I grew up with did not make me an alcoholic. It sure made it easy to medicate the inadequacy that was inside me.

When I finally took a drink, I was in the 10th or 11th grade, a late bloomer for the friends I had accumulated at this point in my life. Decided then too, I should start smoking cigarettes. Genius!

I took those 1st drinks to fit in, I then continued to drink because I loved the way it made me feel. When I remember back I never had an off switch to my drinking, I never wanted to stop.  I had found the answers to all my problems, ALCOHOL!… until it quit working. I tried to make it work way past its expiration date…………..

I drank and partied my way through life staying just under the radar for disaster for some time. I could explain away anything that arose to justify my behavior or actions. I was one of the people that found it hard to function because of hangovers…I had them a lot. Work was suffering, I could barely do mediocre, my relationships below mediocre, I was having accidents, falling etc., DUI’s 2 in my long career. (how is it only 2??)  I did not get sober until I was 43. I had quit drinking several times at the end, once for 9 months. I went back to drinking everytime becoming more miserable. Miserable does not even seem to be saying it.

I finally had enough of my pitiful life. This particular morning, when I had woken up with another dandy hangover due to drinking by myself. (I admit that I tried all the methods of controlled drinking that are mentioned in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.)

I called a friend who had just started going to AA and she seemed to think it was working for her. I told her I wanted to do this AA thing, too. That was a little over 19 years ago. 

That very day, I was in a meeting of women in AA, that was the day that changed my life forever. I went to learn how to quit drinking,  OMG I have gotten so much more from the 12 Steps, meetings, sponsorship and fellowship. Has it been easy NO, has it been worth it YES! I got a life I never ever would have imagined (would not have had at all) if I had not acted at that moment of desperation and surrendered. I knew then, as I know now, I am an alcoholic!  I need to work with other alcoholics to stay sober. 

I worked/ work the 12 Steps in all my affairs (try to, not perfect). I have a sponsor, I sponsor, I go to meetings and I try to do the next right thing. I can show up when I am supposed to, people can count on me to do as I say, simple things to do, but I would struggle with these things for years in my use. Promises kept no matter how hard they are.  I now have an esteem-able life. 

I can wake up not afraid of where, what and how I may have acted. Big deal for a drunk.  I love my life now! I am now grateful for my alcoholism, I can say this, because for years, I just thought I was crazy………Cunning, Baffling and Powerful.

Check out the zoom meetings here